POEM / FUNNY

Bhathiji Maharaj Ni Sampurna Katha & Chalisa | Akkalbano Jayo By Ishardan Gadhvi

Bhathiji Maharaj Ni Sampurna Katha & Chalisa | Akkalbano Jayo By Ishardan Gadhvi

An envelope arrives unannounced from overseas
containing stark white sheets,

perfect in their presentation of absence.
Only a bold logo on top

revealed its origin, but absolutely nothing else.
I examined the sheets,

peered through their grains —
heavy cotton-laid striations —

concealing text, in white ink, postmarked India.
Even the watermark's translucence

made the script’s invisibility transparent.
Buried among the involute contours, lay sheets

of sophisticated pulp, paper containing
scattered metaphors — uncoded, unadorned,

untouched — virgin lines that spill, populate
and circulate to keep alive its breathings.

Corpuscles of a very different kind —
hieroglyphics, unsolved, but crystal-clear.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

132 Views

BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

122 Views

They put me in the oven to bake.
Me a deprived and miserable cake.
Feeling the heat I started to bubble.
Watching the others I knew I was in trouble

They opened the door and I started my life.
Frosting me with a silver knife.
Decorating me with candy jewels.
The rest of my batch looked like fools.

Lifting me up, she took off my wrapper.
Feeling the breeze, I wanted to slap her.
Opening her mouth with shiny teeth inside.
This was the day this cupcake had died.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

131 Views

O whisky is the king of drinks,
Renowned the world o’er,
But here’s a word o’ caution,
Tae think of when ye pour.
There’s a certain combination,
That tastes so very good,
But when it hits your tummy,
And mixes with your food.
That’s when the trouble starts,
For yer pleasure hits overload,
And half an hour later,
Ye’ll suddenly explode.
So there ye are in the pub,
Completely engulfed in flames,
And yer good wife’s dashing home,
Tae lodge insurance claims.
Well now that I have told ye,
Don’t say ye’ve no’ been warned,
So don’t try it oot yersel’,
Or ye’ll soon be bein’ mourned.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

134 Views

Funny -- to be a Century --
And see the People -- going by --
I -- should die of the Oddity
But then -- I'm not so staid -- as He

He keeps His Secrets safely -- very
Were He to tell -- extremely sorry
This Bashful Globe of Ours would be
So dainty of Publicity

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

158 Views

The great Overdog
That heavenly beast
With a star in one eye
Gives a leap in the east.
He dances upright
All the way to the west
And never once drops
On his forefeet to rest.
I'm a poor underdog,
But to-night I will bark
With the great Overdog
That romps through the dark.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

126 Views

A noiseless patient spider,
I marked where on a promontory it stood isolated,
Marked how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launched forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you O my soul where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,
Till the bridge you will need be formed, till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

126 Views

I have one too many personalities,
I don't know which one is really me,
So if I'm nice at first, and then I'm mean,
You just met Sally, and then met Steve.

Yes, it's strange, but don't be alarmed,
Steve and Sally cause no harm,
Neither does Sarah, or Sammy, or Stu,
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.

Be cautious around us,
The villains I named,
You won't know who's who,
We all look the same.

Half of us would hug you,
And falsely reminisce,
But half of us will kill you,
So in this cell we sit.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

167 Views

Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then
Daddy fell into the pond!

And everyone's face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
"Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He's crawling out of the duckweed!" Click!

Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn't a thing that didn't respond
When
Daddy Fell into the pond!

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

126 Views

Queen of my tub, I merrily sing,
While the white foam raises high,
And sturdily wash, and rinse, and wring,
And fasten the clothes to dry;
Then out in the free fresh air they swing,
Under the sunny sky.

I wish we could wash from our hearts and our souls
The stains of the week away,
And let water and air by their magic make
Ourselves as pure as they;
Then on the earth there would be indeed
A glorious washing day!

Along the path of a useful life
Will heart's-ease ever bloom;
The busy mind has no time to think
Of sorrow, or care, or gloom;
And anxious thoughts may be swept away
As we busily wield a broom.

I am glad a task to me is given
To labor at day by day;
For it brings me health, and strength, and hope,
And I cheerfully learn to say-
"Head, you may think; heart, you may feel;
But hand, you shall work always!"

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

132 Views

When will the bell ring, and end this weariness?
How long have they tugged the leash, and strained apart
My pack of unruly hounds: I cannot start
Them again on a quarry of knowledge they hate to hunt,
I can haul them and urge them no more.
No more can I endure to bear the brunt
Of the books that lie out on the desks: a full three score
Of several insults of blotted pages and scrawl
Of slovenly work that they have offered me.
I am sick, and tired more than any thrall
Upon the woodstacks working weariedly.

And shall I take
The last dear fuel and heap it on my soul
Till I rouse my will like a fire to consume
Their dross of indifference, and burn the scroll
Of their insults in punishment? - I will not!
I will not waste myself to embers for them,
Not all for them shall the fires of my life be hot,
For myself a heap of ashes of weariness, till sleep
Shall have raked the embers clear: I will keep
Some of my strength for myself, for if I should sell
It all for them, I should hate them -
- I will sit and wait for the bell.

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

119 Views

Today the teacher farted,
It was an awful smell.
It was just like a rotting egg,
Straight from the depths of Hell!

She tried to keep it secret,
By sitting in a group.
But it was really obvious,
When she said, "Who did that poop?"

She screwed her bright, red face up,
And blamed it all on Claire.
But later when I needed help,
The stench was round her chair!

She avoided my eye contact,
And ticked my work in green.
But she knew that her body smells,
Were foul and quite obscene.

I asked her what that smell was,
She said she'd not a clue.
I hope to God that eggy smell,
Was fart and not a poo!

Today the teacher farted,
My word, what had she ate?
I'll always remember what she did,
And now I'm thirty eight!

Tiimmy Swift

Tiimmy Swift

144 Views